fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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