You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
