Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
