Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
