Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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