I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
