I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
