Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
