And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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