you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
