i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize