All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
