You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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