hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize