Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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