he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
