1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
