i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
