it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
