i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize