I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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