weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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