Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Randomize