hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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