Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
