Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
