Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
