Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
