I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
