No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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