I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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