so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
