i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will be naked everywhere
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
