Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
