I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
