how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
