; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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