I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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