on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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