Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
