I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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