Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
