So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
