absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
