then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
