i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
