I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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