I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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