worst night to have a conscience
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
