bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
