my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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