So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
