I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
