Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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