3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need to calm my uterus...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
