I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
honey bunches of taint.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
