Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
