I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
