Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize