covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
