This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
