SEEEEXXX PLEASE
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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