ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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