big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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