About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
