He felt like a one man threesome
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
