I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
