when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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