im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
