life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize