No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
worst night to have a conscience
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
