There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
