Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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